My heart is torn between
by tomiie
Summary: Will Seras keep her human side or will the taste of darkness consume her?
1. Just like a human

My heart is torn between  
  
The spit dangles off my mouth was rusty and bitter but still a sweet moan of pleasure lurched from within my very being as I licked it all off my hands. My eyes glowed a deep crimson at realazation of what I just did they become a light red. 'What have I become am I really this inhuman?' I sighed deeply as I dropped the empty medical blood packet into the pail with the chilled ice.  
  
"Something wrong Police Girl?" master said as his form eluminated and seeped through the wall.  
  
"Master..." I paused.  
  
"Yes Police Girl." his lips flared to show his devilious toothy grin.  
  
"I...I..."  
  
"What is it then?"  
  
"No...Nothing Master." 'he just won't understand'  
  
"Your still acting like a human." his smile turn upside down.  
  
"I am?" he disappeared through the wall he came. 'alone again all alone' I layed on the coffin bed on my left side arms streached out to touch the wall. 'why did he come here anyway?' The roof lowered at me after the button was pushed down. I lulled into a sleep.  
  
The following night,  
  
"Send in a ops team three to second floor to support team one." commander Ferguson motioned to me,"Officer Victoria go down to help team one."  
  
"Yes sir!" I soulted him and quickly ran into the building with my new gun graciously donated by Walter. As I passed threw the doorway I had a deep ominous feeling. 'what is this my hearts on fire' The air smelled foul and musty. 'Darn those freaks enough to make me barf.' The walls were coated with verious symbols and crosses bareing sayings that they or 'we will rise humans that plague this earth and shall be our first victums'   
  
'Pathetic fools'  
  
'Master?'  
  
'Police Girl' he said to her in her mind as a gesture of acknowledgement.  
  
'Master what is this?' I said back to him as I kept heading threw the building.  
  
'You haven't noticed that there are none of your human compainions or freaks anywhere?'   
  
'Thats right all this walking and I haven't seen a single member of speacial ops team'  
  
'Hmph took you to long'   
  
A freak popped out of a dark doorway side and grabbed me from behind. I wriggled in its gripped to shift to face it. I hit my gun at the base of its neck and shot it as it fell to the ground in the head twice. More emerged out of nowhere but this time I was ready. I blew all their heads to hell. Dust flew up and chocked my none breathing lungs. I coughed and dry heaved. This is no ordinary freak ash. Why oh why can I breathe it? How am I even possibly breathing. The dust was to much for me I curled up into a ball on the filthy floor.  
  
"Police Girl get up that is not dignified for a true vampire to be pulled into such a foolish trap." Alucard ammed his jackel at my neck and shot a bullet I thought I would feel the bullet scourge my neck I closed my eyes in expectation. But nothing came I instantly felt the bind on my neck release. I opened my eyes and stared at the bullet hole scarded freak hand. Quickly I tossed it to the side. Alucard remained silent.  
  
"Master thank you."  
  
"You should have seen it yourself." water filled up my eyes he was right. I was trained for such illusion. But I just...couldn't see it. "But thats why you'll always be my Police Girl."  
  
'He's still mad at me for feeling guility about the blood'  
  
"Keep your eyes open this is going to get intresting." The devilicious smile reform on his face. "Releaseing control on restriction to level three, level two, situation A release level one.The Cromwell approval is now in affect. Hold release until target is silenced!" Alucard body became covered with a bunch of eyes then part of his shoulder melted away to have dogs with firocious teeth dripping with spit.   
  
'What are we dealing with?' I still sat shocked until a darkened figure appeared with a emeasureable aura. A glow even appeared from his body it glistened on Alucards glasses. I only noticed it was behind me when I saw it in the reflection he was behind me. I jolted to turn and face it. The red eyes glowed and narrowed as Alucard dripp at it the figure. Its body was like smoke and it bent to dodge the bites from the dogs.  
  
"Summon your demons transform yourself! Attack me the night is so young and the funs just about to start! Come on! Come on!" The figure to became a bunch of eyes and rabid wolves came out of him. Alucard looked intriguded I never seen him this happy for the need to kill. It astonished me that the figure could change his body like Alucard. Is that the true power of vampires? They zoomed beyond me teeth clashing eachother ripping the life out of the other heads. How do they do something so monsterous? The figure fighting Alucard flew right for me but Alucard blocked the attack. It disappeared from the building entirely.  
  
"Damn he got away."  
  
One hour later...  
  
"Master what are you doing?"  
  
"Waiting."he smirked.  
  
"For..."  
  
"The vampire."  
  
"Oh about that how did he..." he turned his head from the chair he sat to face me.  
  
"Use the powers of a true vampire." he sighed then said,"You have to wake up sooner or later."  
  
"What!"I said as my body sprang up from the bed.  
  
'was it a bad dream' I pondered it wasn't yet sunset but I couldn't get a back to sleep. It was so odd everything seemed exactly like it was really happening. It really did. 'I'm so confused'  
  
"What troubles you Police girl?"he sprung from the wall."I can hear your thoughts from down the hall."  
  
"Master I had a bad dream." I paused to see what expression he would give me it was unreadable. I contiuned,"It seemed so real."  
  
"What about?" 'was he actually listening.'  
  
"About a vampire who had the same powers as you."  
  
"Really."he chuckled,"I'd love to meet him."  
  
"I don't know his name or what he looked like and he didn't say anything either." he brought his right hand to his face putting his pointer finger on his lips.  
  
"That's to bad now I have no optimisim." 'like he some anyway'   
  
He chuckled did he actually hear my thoughts?  
  
"Police girl why won't you get it through your head that we share a mind link."  
  
"Then why can't I read your mind?" he laughed at me again.  
  
"Do you really want to know whats going in my head 'Seras Victoria'." he used my name! Why? 


	2. New Powers

Chapter 2: New powers  
  
"Do you really want to know whats going in my head 'Seras Victoria'." he used my name! Why?   
  
"I..." Alucard lowered his glasses.  
  
"Yes go on."his bloodshot eyes opened wider.   
  
"It's just that you don't say anything about yourself."  
  
"Is that all Police girl?" he didn't let me finish what I was about to say he faded threw the wall in a black smoke. He wanted me to say something  
  
else. But I don't know what to say to 'Master'. I glanced over at the table where another package of medical blood lay. My throat cried for it but my soul  
  
tore at my mind. I sat on my coffin bed and pulled my legs up on the corner to stare at the table. The only thing that came to my mind was the blood. I   
  
remebered oh yes I remembered the rusty bittersweet taste dripping down my throat saliva started to fill my mouth. I tried to imagine that feeling as I did  
  
I felt a change come over me my eyes grew red and my teeth threatened to bulge out of my mouth. My body moved on it's own to the blood I forced myself back  
  
down but with little prevail. My tongue stuck out trying to reach the blood without me. Whatever force that was pulling caused my weight to shift unevenly I rocked on my feet. I need it.  
  
But I don't want to need it! My hand was outstretched and squinted at it. I need it. My legs beagain to buckle. I tried to reach it...but I didn't need to   
  
it was suddenly in my hand. I poured it into my mouth and emptied it to the last drop. My tongue flickered all over my face to clean myself I was satisfied.   
  
I hugged my stomach. I felt happy a smile engulfed my face. This wrong...somehow it is but I just feel nothing.   
  
"Why should I feel bad I am what I am."  
  
'That's it Seras feel the satisfication'  
  
"Master?" I looked around the room I felt his presence,"Master where are you?" He felt like he was all over the place I could sence him.  
  
"Seras,"he slithered it echo throughout the room,"Seras." I went to the wall and felt him moving inside it I put my ear to the wall. The wall felt  
  
like pudding against my cheek and I cringed. I landed on the other side of the wall.  
  
"Master whats happening to me?" I shrieked.  
  
"Your powers are growing," he appeared in inches in front of her face crouched down. As he got closer I slid back to rest on my hands,"Their coming  
  
to quick for you Seras,"he looked almost concerned but it could be my imagination,"Blood is definately making you stronger our powers should be beyond a   
  
normal humans."  
  
"Why now master?" he stared at me before he answered.  
  
"It would have bin sooner if you would have drinken more blood your body has been craving this don't deny you don't love the feeling this gives you."  
  
"I don't..." he smiled again the same way he had before.  
  
"Soon you will become true family you will walk the night free."  
  
"But you wouldn't be my master anymore." I gazed up at him tears beagain to form in my eyes.  
  
"We've been threw this before when you become a true vampire you are your own master." I clung around his waist and dug my face into his coat. His   
  
lips parted slightly before he rubbed my back."Seras do not cry if this is what you want so be it." I lifted my head up from his chest.  
  
"If I did become a true vampire will I still stay with you master?" Alucard let out a large laugh.

Tomiie789: This is chapter 2! Plz review.


	3. Enjoyment of Sharp nails

"If I did become a true vampire will I still stay with you master?" Alucard let out a large laugh.  
  
"If that is what you truly want Seras." he lowered his glasses and gave me a strange stare I cannot desicribe what he looked like when he did but in seconds the starange expression he made was gone. He went threw my arms in almost a cloud leaveing me to hug no one but myself. I stared at my right leg for awhile until I made a fist and extended my pinky. I made a jerking motion with my hand still clasped I jerked my hand faster than a drummer could do a roll until my finger nail snagged a piece of skin it started to bleed and as I watched it. I became thristy I smelt the delicious blood on my leg gently and as I thought of blood the intoxicicating smell evaporated including the scratch. So I scratched myself again...it disappeared also. I did one more final test before I Scratched my arms, legs, face, and stomach so fast they each evaporated at the same time.  
  
'Don't get too excited Police Girl' I could tell in my head that there was no anger, disproval only enjoyment at finding that I cut myself up. I sighed and stared at the floor.   
  
"Master is there not a assignment for us?" He didn't answer me. I stood up and walked over to my door but when I touched the doorknob a sensational feeling came over me. It felt like I touched the ripples on the water I wavered my hand in and out of the doorway grasping the fact that I could do this. I stepped into the door and it again felt like pudding. Yet I enjoyed the feeling it gave me. I stared at the table and saw more blood in the ice bucket. 'Alucard must have brought it when I was in the hallway.' I held my hand several feet away from the blood and strained a feeling that inside my ears came a sound of rushing wind. The blood flew into my hand and I drank graciously. Never before has blood tasted so good it was a powerful and beautiful feeling drinking the blood. I was in control now of my three new powers. I had pleasure in doing them over and over again it amazed me how fast I could do each of them. I now have a power.  
  
'Police Girl those are not the only powers that will come'   
  
"What else will I get." I didn't care if the statement sounded rude or not I wanted more. He appeared in my face and said.  
  
"You will see Police Girl."  
  
Tomiie789: Sorry to the reviewers & crazy person from across the ocean that it took so long to update I was busy typeing my story Silver Rain. This is just a chapter introuducing the some of the powers she developed and how she might abuse them.  
  
Also a special thanks to anonymous reviewer Hellhound! Your compliment touchs me dearly!  
  
On another note to anonymous reviewer May I'm sorry about the format but I just to lazy a person to fix it. Besides by the time you finish reading the old chapters I'll have new ones and you won't have to read the old ones. Enless you aren't gonna read this or anymore of the story.


	4. A free vampire

Chapter 4: A free vampire  
  
"What else will I get." I didn't care if the statement sounded rude or not I wanted more. He appeared in my face and said.  
  
"You will see Police Girl." He again faded. 'He seems to be playing some childrens game appear then disappear' I sighed it would be daylight soon so I layed on my coffin bed. I had no wish to take my shoes off so I just sleep with them on I desided. The cover was still off and I was in such a comfortable position I didn't want to move my hand to press the button. I didn't have to I remembered. I tried to concentrate but there was no need to do so now my thought alone could close it. When it closed I faded into sleep.  
  
"Send in a ops team three to second floor to support team one." commander Ferguson motioned to me,"Officer Victoria go down to help team one."  
  
"What! I've been threw this before."   
  
"This is not the time or place for this." I went back into the building and as I passed threw the doorway I had the same deep ominous feeling for before.'what does this mean' The air smelled foul and musty. The walls were coated with verious symbols and crosses bareing sayings that they or 'we will rise humans that plague this earth and shall be our first victums' just like before.   
  
'Pathetic fools'  
  
'Master?'  
  
'Police Girl' he said to her in her mind as a gesture of acknowledgement.  
  
'Master what is this? Everythings repeating' I said back to him as I kept heading threw the building.  
  
'Very intreging Police Girl'   
  
'NO it's just stupid'  
  
'Hmph took you to long to get threw the hallway'   
  
A freak popped out of a dark doorway side and grabbed me from behind. 'Not again!' I passed threw the freaks body and on my threw grabbed the heart and crushed it he faded into dust. More emerged I could feel where each came from. I passed threw all of them dust engulfed the hallway. Dust flew up and chocked my none breathing lungs. I coughed and dry heaved. 'Why can I breathe it? What's going on!' I looked on my neck and remembered that it was a freak that did this to me. I shot ammed at my own neck and shot three rounds. I instantly felt the bind on my neck release. I brushed the dust off myself. Alucard remained silent.  
  
"Your seeing it now I guess your not just a Police Girl Seras Victoria. Soon you'll be a free vampire." This was not what I wanted. I wanted to be with Master Alucard. Alucard turned his head."Keep your eyes open this is going to get intresting." The devilicious smile reform on his face. "Releaseing control on restriction to level three, level two, situation A release level one.The Cromwell approval is now in affect. Hold release until target is silenced!" Alucard body became covered with a bunch of eyes then part of his shoulder melted away to have dogs with firocious teeth dripping with spit.   
  
'What are we dealing with?' The same darkened figure appeared with a emeasureable aura. A glow even appeared from his body it glistened on Alucards glasses. I felt him he was behind me. I jolted to turn and face it. The red eyes glowed and narrowed as Alucard dugg into the figure. Its body was like smoke and it bent to dodge the bites from the dogs.  
  
"Summon your demons transform yourself! Attack me the night is so young and the funs just about to start! Come on! Come on!" The figure to became a bunch of eyes and rabid wolves came out of him. Alucard looked intriguded I felt a strange pleasure in watching him fight I wanted to join. It astonished me that my body beagain to change I felt a warmth sweep over me. Black vapors rushed out of my body forming heads of black dogs with eyes of red. This must be it! This must be the true power of vampires? They zoomed beyond me teeth clashing eachother ripping the life out of the other heads. The figure fighting Alucard flew right for me but my vapor dog rushed to meet their attackers. Before they clashed the figure disappeared intirely.   
  
"Damn he got away." I moaned my body wanted more. My eyes were a dark crimson. The vapor dogs evaporated into nothing. Alucard cut his arm and bent over so I could drink it."Master what are you doing?"  
  
"Become a true vampire and walk freely."he smirked.  
  
"I want to stay with you Master to fight alongside you."  
  
"No ones stopping you from doing so Seras." I leaned towards his arm and gave it a lick the blood tasted rusty and sweet I couldn't stop myself I almost devoured his arm."Enough Seras Victoria." he lifted away I used my powers to pull him back. This time he yelled."I SAID ENOUGH!" I again tried to bring him down. He was I could tell fighting to stay up. "Enough Seras you will have more blood." I came to my sences. 'Aren't I suppose to wake up' I thought to myself. Then I could hear what Alucard was thinking. 'She now is free no longer a pathetic half starved vampire'  
  
'Master' I transfered into his thoughts.  
  
'I am no longer your Master to you I am Alucard'  
  
'Alucard will I still say at the Hellsing organization'  
  
'If you want to Seras' he leaned croutched over to me and extended a hand. I took it he helped my rise."Now walk with me as a free vampire." Together we walked out into the night."Another beautiful night."  
  
Tomiie789: Thats it for now.  
  
To review May I don't feel bad it's okay.! I love to read your story even if it isn't a Hellsing one. And also I know what you mean about email addresses. The first day I registered here I forgot to check the box to not display my address so for all I know someone got it. It was like that for a couple of days I doubt someone did but you never know. There are weirdos out I ain't one of em either. I got a question are you gonna put the story up your writeing on ff.net? I so review with your user name but make sure you say it's May. Cause otherwise I have no idea how to find it besides the search engine but everytime I try it doesn't work! ! 


	5. Protruding thoughts

To all those who thought Seras was Occ I'd like to say that there is reasoning in my madness.(maybe a little)  
  
Chapter 5: Protruding thoughts  
  
When I got back from the walk with Alucard I fell into a deep sleep in my coffin bed. I awoke and thought about last night what exactally happened I remember the monster, Alucard making me a free vampire, and then we were going to walk. Other than that my brain hurt to much to think. I tried to send the blood bag up to my hand but surprisingly I wasn't thirsty. So I poked all over figiditing with folding the bed, my hair, and my skirt somehow I felt twitchy.   
  
A knock was on my door. I stuck my head through the door.  
  
"Yes Walter." he looked taken back by me going threw the door but then turned into the almost expressionless Walter.  
  
"Sir Integra wishes to speak with you." I nodded and got dressed. 'What a bother I have to walk all the 3rd floor.' I imagened the scene Integra smoking a cigar then yelling at my wrong doings. I felt quezzy like I was going to throw up a blackness swept under my feet. I was sucked threw it and was surounded by darkness my eyes closed automatically. When I opened them Integra was staring at me from her chair shocked. I was not on the ground I was on the ceiling staring down above her. I lost my balance but quickly regained it and landed softly on her lamp and glided down to the floor.  
  
"Sir Integra Seras Victoria reporting for duty." Integra examined me.  
  
"So what Alucard said was true. I have another undead monster to deal with."   
  
"I am not a monster!" Integra slammed her hands down on her desk.  
  
"After the display you put on last night!" Integra then slid a file to me I glanced at it."Open it!" I did as she bid me to do inside were photographs of girls and guys alike that were brutally ripped apart. I threw it to the ground.  
  
"Whats this got to do with me?"  
  
"Everything! Leave," I turned,"But take it with you maybe it'll jog your memory!" I thought of my room and the darkness cloud engulfed me I was in my room. I set down the file on my desk and tried not to think about it. But there was nothing else to think about. I thought hard to remember what happened last night but...something held me back.   
  
'Seras why are you thinking so hard.' a misterious voice sounded in my head.  
  
"Who are you!" I demanded then instantly the same figure I fought the same one that invaded my dream appeared before me. He wore a dark black hood.  
  
"I am I."  
  
"Don't play stupid what is your name!" The figure didn't answer me I took a protective stance ready to put off whatever attack he might attack me with.  
  
"I would not hurt my own."  
  
"I am not your kind freak."  
  
"I am not freak."  
  
"Then what are you?"  
  
"If one looks dead is one, If one is dead should one look dead?"  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean." my eyes narrowed he speaking in riddles.  
  
"You were not always vampire." I snorted then took his words into consideration. A thought threw the back of my mind sailed into my every thought 'I once was human?' It didn't seem possible my memory was failing me again but I could remember what I was. Or if the figure was lieing to me my mind was all mixed up. Then I saw them die. All of them in the pictures.'I killed them I killed them all!' Their deaths plagued my every thought. Flashes appeared like I was watching a sick horror film. A girl screaming and wriggleing in my grasp I snaped her neck and bit into her thoart sucking the blood out of her being. And another I chased down somehow in this view I was looking down at my vitcum I appeared right in front of them and the victum was also sucked of blood. Then the visions got worse I hunted someone down and killed them with a mere thought their blood splattered at me but then I didn't care. I was screaming. Integra's words came to my head. "I have another undead monster to deal with."   
  
"I am a monster," tears fell from my eyes what have I done I lost control,"I am a monster!"  
  
"The monster is not you." I suddenly remembered the figure that was now above me."They are the monsters in human skin they are there only to feed us and to become more of us."  
  
"Your mad."  
  
"No you are no judge of what is mad or sane. I was you and you had a time of time killing those humans."   
  
"I'll ask you again who are you!?"  
  
"Van Hellsing." he bowed.  
  
Tomiie789: To be continued...


	6. Hidden thoughts

Chapter 6: Hidden thoughts  
  
"Van Hellsing." he bowed in bow his black hood slid to reveil his golden locks of hair. He lifted his head to face me. He looked familiar somehow. Then I beagain to think of Integra."You are Sera Victoria."  
  
"Yes I am." I sniffled.  
  
"Why do you cry?"   
  
"What are you doing here?" He stiffened.   
  
"I live here."  
  
"Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing lives here." I said in a snippy tone.  
  
"No she won't."  
  
"Is that a threat?" I eyed him suspiciously. Then I thought of all the pictures on the floor and beagain to choke on my tears.  
  
"NO it's not." He glanced at the pictures then back at me."Take me to Sir Integra." My eyes narrowed to him. 'If hes trys anything...' He grabbed my hand and pulled me with him threw the darkness."Think of where were going." I did what he said we did not arrive on the ceiling but right in front of Integra's desk when we landed I snatched my hand away from him.  
  
"Who are you." Integra scowled. Van Hellsing backed away from her desk and continued to walk back until he hit a large portrait in her room. The man in the portrait looked almost exactally like Van Hellsing. I hit Integra's desk in shock. Van Hellsing smiled. I looked at Integra she didn't look shocked just angry at Van Hellsing.  
  
"Don't I look familiar." he had a smug look on his face like he won and he knew it."I'm your 29th Great Grandfather." Integra made a low growl. I just was speechless 'What do you say to him' Then a thought came to me maybe it's another trick the same one that vampire played claiming to be her sister.  
  
"My family of the Van Hellsing would never become a undead monster!" Integra was furious. 'Then it must be a trick'  
  
"Seras it is no trick." A voice submerged from behind me.  
  
"Alucard?" Van Hellsing appeared surprised."Weren't you in the dugeon." Alucard satanical smiled formed on his lips.  
  
"It was fun." I glanced back from my former 'Master' to the paintings double."While it lasted."  
  
"Alucard who is this." Integra leaned over her desk her eyes almost pleaded for a different answer I looked a Van Hellsing he smiled at me then I turned away."This is not one of my family is it!?" Alucard leaned over to almost touch Integra.  
  
"He is who he says." I glanced at Van Hellsing again he stared around the office as if looking for something. He felt around the wall for something.  
  
"What are you doing." Van Hellsing didn't answer. Suddenly he became fascinated with a piece of paneling in the wall he played with it for awhile. Then the wall beagain to open I backed up again against the desk. Van Hellsing stepped in to the opening he mostioned us to follow him. Alucard walked without heistation then walked in Integra I followed in last behind her. I looked ahead to see a table with old chair and hung on the walls were the Van Hellsing creast. The table appeared to be set for many and rotton bits of food still hung on the plate. Van Hellsing, Alucard, and Integra went over to the small bookshelf on a corner of the room. While I glanced at the table carfully I smelled in blood. My body was compelled to kneel and sniff the table I searched it for that smell slowly it lead me to underneath the table. I lifted up the table cloth the smell of rotting flesh inhabited the air then I saw a decomposing body on the ground.  
  
"Well I'll show you the other rooms." I dropped the cloth. Alucard and Integra walked into a doorway but Van Hellsing stayed here."You found it didn't you." I had a perplexed look on my face guess because Van Hellsing continued."We had to leave very quickly you see during dinner a...most unfortunate accident you see...Alucard.."  
  
"Are you coming." Integra called from the other room.  
  
"Yes!" Van Hellsing returned the calling."Shall we." He lowered a hand to help me up and held my hand. He just stood still and suddenly he was moving and we were in the room with Alucard and Integra. He realeased his bind on my hand. 'How did he do that?' 'You will do it soon as well' a foreign voice in my head answered. 'What?' I looked at Alucard but he was examineing something in the room not even noticeing me. Then I looked at Van Hellsing. He grinned I beagain to think about what he said in my room.  
  
(Flash back)  
  
'Seras why are you thinking so hard.'   
  
"Who are you!"   
  
"I am I."  
  
"Don't play stupid what is your name!"   
  
"I would not hurt my own."  
  
"I am not your kind freak."  
  
"I am not freak."  
  
"Then what are you?"  
  
"If one looks dead is one, If one is dead should one look dead?"  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean."   
  
"You were not always vampire." Then to Integra's words."I have another undead monster to deal with."   
  
"I am a monster," I remembered myself crying."I am a monster!"  
  
"The monster is not you." I suddenly remembered the figure that was now above me."They are the monsters in human skin they are there only to feed us and to become more of us."  
  
"Your mad."  
  
"No you are no judge of what is mad or sane. I was you and you had a time of time killing those humans."   
  
"I'll ask you again who are you!?"  
  
"Van Hellsing. You are Seras Victoria."  
  
"Yes I am."  
  
"Why do you cry?"  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I live here."  
  
"Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing lives here."  
  
"No she won't."  
  
"Is that a threat?"  
  
"No it's not."  
  
(End Flash back)  
  
"Is something wrong Seras?" Alucard asked me.  
  
"No nothing is wrong." I answered. I could tell that Van Hellsing beamed when I hadn't told are conversation. It seemed I had to not tell something made me feel like I was protecting my family. 'An odd feeling this is.' Van Hellsing picked up a book and showed it to Integra while Alucard came over to me.   
  
"Seras don't lie to me." he whispered into my ear."I know something isn't right."  
  
"Why don't you just read my mind." Alucard looked away.  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Why?" Alucard walked away and followed where Van Hellsing led Integra there was a hallway hidden by a giant rug hanging on the wall. 'Why wouldn't he be able to read my mind it never stopped him before.' 'Because I wouldn't let him' Van Hellsing answered. My eyes grew wide.  
  
tomiie789:Sorry it took so long. 


	7. Loseing oneself

Chapter 7: Loseing oneself  
  
'Because I wouldn't let him' Van Hellsing answered. My eyes grew wide. I tried to scream to Alucard to help me. But I could utter no words they were trapped inside my chest crying for release. I couldn't move slowly tears gathered into pools of water escapeing my body. Alucard turned to face me and then glared at Van Hellsing. Integra was intensively it appeared she was looking for answers and flaws to Van Hellsing. I tried to move but I was still frozen. 'Don't they see! Can't they see theres something wrong with me!' Van Hellsing continued talking soon they walked past the room and shut a door. I could no longer hear what was being said. I tried to pull my body but nothing appeared to move. 'I forgot how!' A voice from the police force rang into my ears.  
  
"'Upid Kitten messed up this time you 'id." I felt like I was sinking into quicksand my body felt limp. 'Seras,' Van Hellsing's voice chimed into my head,'Do not try to escape...I do not want anything unfortunate to happen to you.'   
  
'Why are you doing this? Are you not Integra's ancestor? Didn't you sware to bring all vampires to enternal damnation!'  
  
'I made no such declaration.' Van Hellsing stated simply. My body was hot I felt sweat fall down like candle wax.'Desist Seras you will only lose.' To Hot! To Hot! I was able to move my hand. I glared down upoun it my fingers were dissolving. 'What the hell is this!' The dissolveing went up into my arms then to my shoulders. My legs started to dissappear. I felt light as air. Then I felt a pain inside of my back a ripping sensation emerged. 'What the Fuck!' Something was happening to me! I had gotten my voice back and screamed I felt my voice bounce back at me to sound shrill. 'What is this!?' I found a mirror in the corner of the room. I gazed upoun it to see nothing. The door opened and Van Hellsing walked out first. I screamed staring at the mirror I had no hands or finger nails. I soon realized I had wings.  
  
'What were you expecting?' was Van Hellsings snide remark.  
  
'What is this?'he sighed.  
  
"I warned you not to fight me if you would have complied...well." He shrugged his shoulders. Integra walked from behind the door and stared with shock I looked right back at her.  
  
"What is the meaning of this!" She shrieked when it hit my ears I was sent flying into the wall. Van Hellsing caught me before I hit the wall.  
  
"Maybe it would do well to keep your voice down." he said softly he held my wings and beagain to stroke my neck. I struggled to no avail.  
  
"What in gods name is that bat doing in here!" Alucard then stepped out he had a grin on his face which turned into a tight expression a growl emerged from his lips. With my bat self struggling I kept trying to get free. He approuched us and then barred his teeth at Van Hellsing.  
  
"Is something the matter Alucard?" He answered smuggly. Alucard stood in front of us for a long time. A moan appeared as Alucard flicked a canine at Van Hellsing."Good." 'He just walked away! Alucard come back!' I shreeched. Alucard faded into the wall. 'How do I change back!'  
  
"If you want to change back think about what you are. You are a creature of the night no more than that you are the undead that walks upoun the Earth." I squirmed free."Yes go! I have no use for you now." I transported myself threw darkness and landed in my room still a bat. Blood lay in a medical pack. I tried scooping it into my small claws. But it kept slipping so I left it I do not want to make a mess. I gently flew to the coffinbed. My wings didn't at all feel strange or foreign they were like arms I felt like I was walking it was so easy. I snuggled my nose into the cushion. It felt like oatmeal and I disappeared into the pillow when I layed on it. I sat on it with great difficultly. I was thinking of another way to sleep. 'I could hang upsidedown.' I desided to try it felt odd the floor felt like the ceiling and the ceiling the floor.  
  
"SERAS VICTORIA!" Integra belled out into my ear. I jumped up suprised I was in my human form. She held out the same file that contained the photos of the dead people only it seemed thicker.   
  
"What happend?" I wryly gulped the lump in my throat.  
  
"You were out again weren't you!?" Behind Integra was a vague scent of blood. I leaned toward my table to find the blood bag ripped open but no contence on the table. She lifted the bag and squeezed it in her left hand to relieve some fustration."Answer the question!"  
  
"I...eh...I..." I stuttered then I thought why should I bow before her. "I don't know!" Integra narrowed her eyes at me then left. A vision submerged into my eyelids. I saw a damp alley from above in the sky. Suddenly I was zoomed into the alley I saw myself surround a human into a corner. A glisten fluttered from his hand it pierced my skin then he pulled it out the gourge faded. I disappeared then reappeared behind the man. I seized my arms around his neck and ripped a chunk off like a animal. I was watching my horific deed like a spectator observing a movie. 'This is not me I could'nt have...' Van Hellsing appeared in the vision lapping up the same mans blood. I snapped out of my vision. He was in my room. "You could and you did." he smirked."Didn't Alucard ever tell you not to go to bed hungry?"  
  
"Tell me the truth..." He interuppted.  
  
"Why would I lie to you?" his very presence disgusted me.  
  
"What before were you saying about Alucard in the one room?" He didn't heistate he abruptly said.....

tomiie789: To be continued. Yes I am cruel but that just the way it is until next chap k? Man it took forever to update! Was on nice vacation but I am back to reek havoc with a cliff. Not that this is a very special one. Next chap is gonna reveil the secret link between the night where they had to leave dinner quickly and what it had to do with Alucard. I think I made this chap two darn short.


	8. The dinner party

Chapter 8:The dinner party  
  
The table was set with the most elegent plates and goblets. Ten places were set with ten men sitting in them Hellsing's family crest hung on all four walls surrounding the room hung on either banners or paintings. Dinner started out as it did normally with dull conversation and idle chitchat. Trays of food were carried to each desk by the hired help so that all guests were comfortable the chairs were made of a velvetty plush fabric. One of the most expensive yet comfortablest fabric ever made. Henry Van Hellsing sat at the end of the table he did not touch his food nor his wine. The main objective of this meaning was to discuss the most recent disadvantages that were brought by Henry's quest to find Dracula. He took much money with him and disappeared for over a mounth. When he returned he made no effort to explain were he was or anything that had happened to him. His skin had paled and he disappeared and reappeared about the house like a ghost.   
  
Today was the day the Vatican people dined for a peace agreement with the Van Hellsing family as well. So Henry's father took this as a advantage to get him to speak about the incident. Henry swirled his drink around inside his glass but non of the liquid touched his dry lips. His father spoke to the Vatican family's leader Julias and seemed deep into a business conversation. Henry half gagged at the food that was under him it was almost to much to contain that he would be the next leader working alongside the Vatican empire if this dinner would be well. Henry's wife was away with his two sons on vacation at the summer home in Florence. He hadn't seen them since he had arrived back from his trip he smiled in memory.  
  
"So Henry your father told me you went to Romania would you please tell us what you saw there?" Julias asked Henry who smiled and chuckled madly. All guests present turned to stare at him.  
  
"Henry my dear boy what is so humorous?" His fathers voice didn't even faze him he laughed hysterically. Henry slammed his hand on the table and stood at the very end were he sat.  
  
"You want to know what happened father too? Don't you! You all want to know," He raised his hand to the stain glass ceiling,"Don't you! Where here it is!" Henry's yell was drown out by all the shouting. The cloaked figure with black hair swooped down and faded into black smoke then reappeared to attack and person at the table and bit the neck drawing blood. Henry's father sat and remained calm and collected he narrowed his eyes at the blood sucking fiend. The figure chased the guests around the table like he was playing a sick game of duck duck goose. Henry's father had aimed his Hellsing ARMS 300 Casull at the head of it and shot two rounds of bullets into the head. The head was gone and then a mist evaporated upoun itself to have the head the exact way it was. The figure stuck it's tongue out at Henry's father Geogre smiling it's toothy grin of psychodic pleasure suddenly it disappeared."See you can not stop it father! You can not stop it!" Henry chuckled maddly. The guests at the table became more anxious and beagain to panic. One Vatican stood up and bolted for the door he pressed against it and was pressed back by the figure and fell down to the ground."Father meet Vlad Tepes's son Dracula!" Dracula smiled a crooked smiled and ate up the guest on the floor. Three of the guests made for the door but Dracula was too quick he sucked there body bone dry of blood before they had a chance for the door. The last three Vatican that hadn't left the table sat in horror."Soon all of you will face the same fate!"  
  
"He's crazy!" A Vatican sat back in disbelief."Deluted he is responceible for all of this! All of this is a trap." The man ran to the door and faced the same fate as the others. Two Vatican were left sitting down next to Henry's father. One aimed a gun at Henry and pulled the trigger.  
  
"NO!" Henry's father yelled as Henry fell back and hit the ground with a thud. The same Vatican was hurled ontop of the table his neck was bitten on fiercly by Alucard.  
  
"You monster!" Julius yelled he aimed his gun of purified bullets at him.  
  
"Go ahead shoot me!" Dracula spoke in a evil voice. Julius shot 5 rounds into Dracula's chest."Ahahahahahahah.......!" Dracula laughed dementedly. He drained Julias's blood quickly a satisfied grin struck his face.  
  
"Who are you!" Henry's grief striken father yelled to Dracula.  
  
"Call me Alucard." His words slurred from his mouth like music. Alucard struck a hand threw Geogre Van Hellsing's chest. "Hmph." Alucard walked to the dead man on the table and lapped up the blood covering the table but didn't penitrate at the bottom of the table. The final Vatican guest opened the door and stood in bewilderment at what had happend when he was gone. Alucard smiled at him."You should go before I deside to gorge myself with your blood." The final Vatican fled."What a beautiful night." He laughed. Henry stood up and brushed himself off he threw off his metal chest protecter that contained a sizzled bullet.  
  
"You were supposed to obey me!" Henry yelled at Alucard."I told you to not kill my father."  
  
"What makes you think I will obey you?" He had a smug expression on his face.  
  
"I have what keeps you alive in my grasp." Alucard glared at the Van Hellsing.  
  
"When did you get that?" This time it was Henry's turn to laugh.  
  
"Before for a precaution if you didn't obey me." Alucard lept at Henry and bit his neck hoping to suck him dry before he attempted to destroy the object in question. He bit into the neck and beagain to suck the blood. Henry bit into Alucard's arm and sucked the blood. Alucard senced something was wrong and tried to pull his arm away his hair turned a dull silver. Henry's strength grew back with every sip he was so strong he threw Alucard back. He then broke threw the window glass and flew away. Alucard sat weakly on the ground gathering his strength when the Hellsing operatives arrived with Henry's brother Even. Even rightfully accused Alucard to the death of all those at the party. No matter how hard he tried in one hour he could not kill him so he locked Alucard binding him if he ever needed a weapon. He only told his oldest nephew Abraham Van Hellsing that inside that room was where a creature of destruction was held. The stain glass was replaced with brick and the body's disposed of. Though Even left the room otherwise untouched so that he could find the truth of what happened that night. He never did. Nor did he find his brothers body but all knew he was there. A funeral was held for Henry and his father. Henry's wife had died of grief and his two sons were raised by Even. He made them swear on the night of the burial to kill all impure souls and to release them into internal damnation. Even never heard from his brother again.

tomiie789: Sorry it took so long and gomen for spelling. I did my best to find a reason why Alucard hates Henry and why he has power over him. It wasn't the origanal direction I was going to take but I hope it's good. Is it?


	9. What is reality?

tomiie789: Scorry to not update to anyone whos reading this...but I've been busy. And partly lazy. But I'm proud of my laziness I come from a long line of tv watchers. The last chapter sucked I know it did. 

WARNING! Do read with caution. The rating is questionable. And some happening are bizarre so I suggest that if you don't want to read a supernatural story you stop now!

But anywho...on with the story. ...

* * *

My eyes narrowed at him when he finished his little speech.

"Bullshit!" He appeared right in front of my face and held my chin examineing it. "Your full of shit!"

"You may be right...but you might not be." He released my chin and sat onto of my table staring at me. 'What's the deal with him he's a total loon.'

"Van Hellsing if your story is true then why have you returned." My lips spat out the name Van Hellsing in a harsh tone. I wanted him to be angry...I don't know why but for some reason it gave me a sick sence of pleasure.

"Call me Henry." My red eyes narrowed at him. 'Cocky bastard.' A dry heaving beagain in my stomach and worked it's way to my very being. My shoulders twitched uncontrollably I was shivering and convulsing. I couldn't stop I curled up into a ball on the floor. Blood sputtered up past my lips I screamed in agony. 'How can he do this how does he have so much power over me?' A small light was shining in the corner of the now pitch black room. I stared into the light only for my eyes to burn. Screaming again I tried to hide myself from the light but it descended overhead."I said call me Henry!" My eyes started to mull over almost in a trance. The very lips upoun my face uttered what I had commanded them not to do.

"Hen...ry." My throat was irritated and dry I gave out a breath that sounded more of a hiss.

"Good rest now." He picked up my limp body. 'What's he going to do with me?' He set me on the coffin bed and pressed the button for it to close."I shall return for you later." In horror and in terror I started to panic. And I discovered I couldn't move.

From below I spotted people. 'How the hell did I get up here?' Looking down I could tell that I was flying with my bat wings. 'What the heck! Is this real?' It all seemed so subnormal...but it felt perfectly rash. I was a bat...and in my mind I knew what I was doing but I couldn't help myself. The scent of warm blood hit the night sky and I shrieked in delight. My shriek bounces back at me and I headed for that particular point. 'Where in the Hell am I going?' My tiny bat body picked up speed to land gracefully on two feet upoun a roof top. The roof smelt chalky and in the slight breeze was the scent of laundry that was out to dry. But those scents weren't what brought me to the roof no...I was hunting. Gazeing down below my feet in a small crevis of a alley were a couple intrigued in what they were doing.

The two humans could barely get a breath in all the heat they were creating in their violent kissing. I watched them very carefully and saw the human girl throw her body around the males waist lost in passion. Somehow he managed to still stand but barely he used the wall to support his body and the girls. His pants hung loosely as the girl's legs began to drag them down. Their bodies meshed and crashed into one another. Sex. I could smell the putrid scent as the woman convulsed in pleasure. The male pulled her hair out of the way to get to suck on her neck. Attracting more moans from the girl and accidently bareing her neck in view of my sight. At a side glance I smiled my eyes blazing crimson. 'Perfect.' My eyes flashed back to their normal red. 'NO this isn't right what's wrong with me!' She tilted her head back so I could see all of her neck. My body reacted on it's own and faded into the darkness. Not sure where I was going I reappered my head just above the couple. The males neck was glistening with sweat I could hear both their blood pumping faster.

Thumping quickened as their kissing became more violent. Leaning my head down towards the males neck. I twitched back to raise my head to look away from the necks. 'Think of anything but that!' Staring above me I could see the stars shining. Part of me wanted nothing more than to stare at the sky overhead but another part wanted me too go and finish what I was about to do. My neck tipped up and down putting a strain on my neck. My sharp teeth unsheathled further then ever before and the deep pools of my eyes burned firey red. 'Now! Suck them dry!' A voice in my head declared. 'NO I won't!' I argued back at it. 'DO IT NOW! A violent force shoved my head down into the couple. That was all it had to do. I lost my self control and clamped down onto the males neck. He howled in pain dropping the girl.

"AHHH!" The female yelled into the night air. She crawled back on her knees as would a crab. I could tell by the meek trembles in her voice that she was too weak to stand. She tugged to cover her nakedness with her tiny skirty. I dropped the male corpse and headed toward the warmed blooded girl before me. Her pumped even faster than before from fear and I could hear every blood vessels flow in and out of her heart. Grinning I lick the blood off of my greedy chops."Stay away from me!"

"Or you'll what human?" Steathily I approached the waiting blood."Put the same fight as your boyfriend did?"

"You...you...MONSTER!" I was taken back for a second. 'WHAT am I doing?' Then another thought crossed my mind, 'That bitch she dared to call me a monster!' I leapted up and felt a tingly sensation sweep threw me as my bones molded to their new shape. In my bat form I clung to her neck."LET GO OF ME!" She tried to jossle me and smacked me hard on the head as I busily sorted through her hair to get at her neck."LET GO OF ME YOU FUCKING FREAK!"

'I AM NO FREAK!' I screamed in bat as I bit hungrily to her neck as if it were a mothers breast. She beagain to lose contiousness and her eyes glowed a pale blue. I changed before my kills feet into my normal form. I swayed back and forth on my ankles with my legs bunched up to my stomach. Burying in my face in between my legs I rocked faster and faster.

"What am I doing...?" I stopped rocking and looked at my lightly tinted hands. Though they appeared human they were far from it. 'To a human they must feel like a icy pain of death.' Sighing greatly as my eyes bunched up with tears they leaked down to my lips and I tasted them. No longer did they have the same salty taste from before but they now retained a unwanted entity of blood. The girls motionless body layed at the base of my feet was evidence of what I had done."NO!" I sobbed. 'What had caused me to lose control! I was never like this before! Why can't I remember what happend that night! What happend when Alucard and I took a walk? Did we even walk?' I wracked my brain to of no avail. Arms latched themselves around my shoulders I jumped but the arms went with me as I floated in the air. A head was placed on top of my head and I shivered. 'Who is this!'

"Do not worry love. Theres no reason to cry." That instant I knew the very person on top of my head was Henry he held my tight against his chest.

"Let me go!" I hissed out at him as I struggled free.

"Just like you let the girl go? I don't think so." My body became real still as I recalled what happend just before. "You didn't let that girl go so I don't think I'll let you go either. I saw you watch them. And sweep down to get a taste. You loved how she tasted didn't you. Much sweeter than her boyfriend." He pivoted his head in towards me and licked my flesh. I pulled my head as far as I could to get away from Henry. "You taste just as good."

"What are you doing?" He didn't answer. Instead I felt the world crumble around us. Everything faded into what seemed like a eternal dark.

I awoke in my coffin bed drowsily I felt like I had been in the ocean and the waves crashed against my skin. The room wriggled around and distorted upoun itself. It jiggled around and started to spin. The room was dancing and I was dancing in it. Spinning and jiggling all the things in my room twisted in a clockwise circle and then switching over to a counter clockwise spiral. I hackled into a fit of giggles. I was the center of attension in this room and everything would obey me I told the table to bend like a fortune cookie and it did so. Soon I had to whole room dancing and I didn't even know how or why I was doing it. But I didn't want to stop my fun. Nothing in my power would I allow it to do so.

Beatiful intricate waves of lightly purple smoke floated around the room like the smoke from Integra's cigar. Then the smoke changed into different colors and the smoke twisted upoun itself in many different forms and split in half dancing around the room. The smoke collected around a particular point in the corner it spun around faster and faster until it stopped spinning. And it parted to reveil Helena. I couldn't say anything to her even though I was about to question my sanity. The room still distorted around her. I came to relize that it wasn't Helena herself but a doll that held her exact image. The doll's face was placid and her arms were at her sides. I blinked for a second and when my eyes piered open.

Helena's position changed she raised her right hand to point at me and her face slightly contorted. But a wierd feeling that she never moved before caught my attension. After all she was a doll. But it didn't occur to me that the room around me was supposed to bend but it had done so. Here she wasn't supposed to move without my permission. I smuggly stood my ground before her just a few feet away. She was giving me signs that I had done something wrong. But I had no idea what it was. I nervously stared at the doll and I did a double take as it appeared to move again.

I held my eyes open to catch any signs of movement and I saw the doll's eyes moved. It almost appeared to be a glare. I whipped my body around and saw reflecting off my gun the dolls expression was angry and she looked like pure evil. Her arm became longer as I whipped around to have the doll catch my neck and held it tightly. The dolls nails beagan to grow longer she choked me. My heart felt wrenched as images flashed into my head of my killings. All the pictures from the file danced around the distorted room in a circle some of them spun so fast it looked like a movie projecting image intertwinded in one shape. Each picture I could feel the nails begin to dig further into my neck. I then could see the last victum. A girl, I saw her in some sort of summer day laughing and smiling. She happily walked as the wind blew her hair to kiss her face. Walking with a boy her same age smiling hand and hand.

Then I saw her pale blue eyes as the last strength of reality faded to her death. A little further away from her was the boy she walked with. His skin was pale and his neck was ripped out form a huge gorge of teeth that chomped there...my teeth. I saw my body hover over the boy and I glared at myself. She or rather me looked up at me in disgust.

"What are you looking at?" The violent creature said to me. That instant I was brought back to the doll with Helena's image that clenched tightly onto my neck. I tried with all my vampiric strength rip her arms from my neck...but the hands wouldn't budge. I could possitively tell that she was angry with me now.

"Why..." My voice managed to rasp out.

"You did this you tell me." The doll said her statement more of a demand.

"I...don't."

"You don't even deserve to live in this body!" The doll instantly became Helena the real Helena. The room stopped spinning and Helena disappeared everything just faded away. I was crouched up in a little ball upoun my coffin bed. Nothing spun or did anything. But I felt too hot for my own good. 'Was that a dream?' I looked down at my neck below the scar that Anderson had given me were red marks that told me what I needed to know. 'Then what happend.' I looked across the corner to see Helena and then see her fade out to nothing.

"WAIT!" I cried out to the ghost like figure. I felt guilt surround me. And I too faded and befell into the darkness. Right in front of me was Helena."Helena what did you mean that I don't deserve my body!" She said nothing."Please answer me."

"Figure this out for yourself you must child of darkness." 'Child of darkness? Why did she call me that?' Something about the Helena that stood before me seemed off. 'Whatever it is I'll figure this out!'

tomiie789: End chapter. I wrote this whole thing during Inuyasha and Cowboy Bebop on adult swim. Good episodes...anyway what does the people reading think?


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